So a while back I wondered if I should my special talents for good or for evil, and to this day, I’m not quite sure where I stand.
Years ago, my sister lived in a little house in Bston Mass that was behind some stupid sports pub. There was a parking lot in the rearthat extended all the way to her property, but there was also a pretty clear dividing line between her lawn/property and where the parking lot ended, even if there was a small amount of pavement off the parking lot that was on her property. I know it seems hard to descirbe, but this was her designated parking spot, and there were at least 3 clearly marked “NO PARKING” signs for that onespot and there were even lines on the pavement so to anyone but the biggest idiot, it was NOT a spot that a bar customer could park in. If you had half a clue you could tell that this particualr parking spot was dsignated for this little house (mind you, a small freestanding housein Boston is a rarity in itself)
But she didn’t have a car, and time and time again, some sportsball watching asshole would park in that spot. Most of the time they’d get away with it, but whenever I’d visit, there’s be no place for me to park.
One time I went to pick her up because we were heading off to the weekend , and some shiny new Mercedes had parked in that spot, and left about enough room left in her spot to park a bicycle. there was barely enough room for me to fit my beat up old Saab in that spot, while arking halfon her garden I think..
I rang the doorbell, fetched my sister and we were ready to go. Obviously there was no way she could open the passenger door to get in, so I told her to “Hang on a second. I’ll fix that”
And I don’t now what came over me. Perhaps a sense of vigilantism, perhaps a streak of pure evil. Perhaps a sense of dispensing unadulterated justice. Fuck it, I’ve had it with these assholes.
I backed out of the tiny spot left tome (mind you, I was forced to park half on her garden, and then when I got about halfway out, I cut my steering wheel HARD to the left. As hard as one could possibly go. I didn’t care too much about my old saab because I had recently been in a fender bender pretty padly that had mangled front right side of the car. It was on it’s last legs but I knew it had one important task to make in the service of justice against rich entitiled assholes who think they can park anywhere because they’re iportant, I guess.
But that sound.. Oh! That glorious sound of tearing, ripping, breaking, scraping sound as Sweden’s finest gauge of Saab steel tore and ripped into that nary a 6 month old Mercedes Benz. Their drivers’s fender, their door, the second door (it was a 4 door) and lets just say probably the rearfender area and maybe a tailight or so, and with any luck, dislodging the rear bumper. the worst it did to my car was to break the front directional light a bit more, but that was already smashed anyway
A creaking and popping of metal not heard since the 1956 ocean liner collision of the Stockholm and the Andrea Doria.. and just like in that story, the vessel with the Scandinavian name survived to drive on (The Doria sits at th bottom of the sea of Nantucket)
My sister looked on with a sense of horror and glee, jumped in, and we werr on our merry way to wherever (I assume we were going to visit the folks for the weekend).
Nothing was every heard about it again (this was the days before CCTV everywhere), and no one, ever, ever parked in her parking spot, ever again.
Though maybe a year or so later my sister did overhear some people who were parking in that same sports pub and she heard bits of conversatin of someone saying “oh, don’t park there, trust me, don’t park there”. Wether or not it was Mercedes lady I have no idea.
The moral of the story? Don’t fuck with me,or my family, doubly so if you think that being privilidged or wealthy gives you immunity, because there is a think called karma, and yeah, maybe it’s wrong to dispense karma, but sometimes its ok to give karma a little push.