Call Button Click here to speak to the one and only Tara Emory right now!


So a while back I wondered if I should my special talents for good or for evil, and to this day, I’m not quite sure where I stand.

Years ago, my sister lived in a little house in Bston Mass that was behind some stupid sports pub.  There was a parking lot in the rearthat extended all the way to her property, but there was also a pretty clear dividing line between her lawn/property and where the parking lot ended, even if there was a small amount of pavement off the parking lot that was on her property.  I know it seems hard to descirbe, but this was her designated parking spot, and there were at least 3 clearly marked “NO PARKING” signs for that onespot and there were even lines on the pavement so to anyone but the biggest idiot, it was NOT a spot that a bar customer could park in.  If you had half a clue you could tell that this particualr parking spot was dsignated for this little house (mind you, a small freestanding housein Boston is a rarity in itself)

But she didn’t have a car, and time and time again, some sportsball watching asshole would park in that spot.  Most of the time they’d get away with it, but whenever I’d visit, there’s be no place for me to park.

One time I went to pick her up because we were heading off to the weekend , and some shiny new Mercedes had parked in that spot, and left about enough room left in her spot to park a bicycle. there was barely enough room for me to fit my beat up old Saab in that spot, while arking halfon her garden I think..

I rang the doorbell, fetched my sister and we were ready to go.   Obviously there was no way she could open the passenger door to get in, so I told her to “Hang on a second. I’ll fix that”

And I don’t now what came over me.  Perhaps a sense of vigilantism, perhaps a streak of pure evil.  Perhaps a sense of dispensing unadulterated justice. Fuck it, I’ve had it with these assholes.

I backed out of the tiny spot left tome (mind you, I was forced to park half on her garden, and then when I got about halfway out, I cut my steering wheel HARD to the left.  As hard as one could possibly go.  I didn’t care too much about my old saab because I had recently been in a fender bender pretty padly that had mangled front right side of the car.  It was on it’s last legs but I knew it had one important task to make in the service of justice against rich entitiled assholes who think they can park anywhere because they’re iportant, I guess.

But that sound.. Oh!  That glorious sound of tearing, ripping, breaking, scraping sound as Sweden’s finest gauge of Saab steel tore and ripped into that nary a 6 month old Mercedes Benz.  Their drivers’s fender, their door, the second door (it was a 4 door) and lets just say probably the rearfender area and maybe a tailight or so, and with any luck, dislodging the rear bumper.  the worst it did to my car was to break the front directional light a bit more, but that was already smashed anyway
 

A creaking and  popping of metal not heard since the 1956 ocean liner collision of the Stockholm and the Andrea Doria.. and just like in that story, the vessel with the Scandinavian name survived to drive on (The Doria sits at th bottom of the sea of Nantucket)

My sister looked on with a sense of horror and glee, jumped in, and we werr on our merry way to wherever (I assume we were going to visit the folks for the weekend).

Nothing was every heard about it again (this was the days before CCTV everywhere), and no one, ever, ever parked in her parking spot, ever again.

Though maybe a year or so later my sister did overhear some people who were parking in that same sports pub and she heard bits of conversatin of someone saying “oh, don’t park there, trust me, don’t park there”.  Wether or not it was Mercedes lady I have no idea.

The moral of the story?  Don’t fuck with me,or my family, doubly so if you think that being  privilidged or wealthy gives you immunity, because there is a think called karma, and yeah, maybe it’s  wrong to dispense karma, but sometimes its ok to give karma a little push.

-Tara

If you enter in a battle of wits with me, you will lose.

When my wits are sharpened, I will cut off pieces of the ass of my enemies and feed them, to them.

But to add insult to injury, they will it be marinated, not grilled, fried, or cooked in their own juices. Alas no, they’ll be microwaved into a nice, dry leathery and barely edible meat by product, barely suitable for a dog or a steak on a Denny’s menu.

To my friends I am the most loyal of confidants, to my enemies I try my best to convince them of what misinformation they base their opinion upon me on, but to my enemies, you really don’t want to go head to head with me.

Dear “Islamic State of Iraq and Syria”

Your acronym sucks.
Stop using “ISIS” as your acronym It’s offensive to a religion I hold dear, of a benevolent and beautiful Egyptian goddess.

and you’re totally spoiling “Archer” for me. Feel free to use “ISIL” ( Islamic state of Iraq and the levant”), but leave my beloved Isis alone, though I doubt you will if you’re truly smashing ancient Asyrrian statues.

Cuz like, I’ll get Horus to smite you all or something.

sugdaddy asked:

U r fucking gorgeous! Id love to have a wild night with u! More than one! Hehe

Lets sneak into the Cheetah habitat at the local zoo for a few nights, and we’ll certainly have a “wild night”  . And sorry, despite the steampunk Jane Goodall pix I shot a while back, alas, no, I cannot speak to the gorillas.

avocadoartist asked:

Thanks for posting your art projects like your space ship on this blog. I like the looks of what you are making. I was also just looking through your old posts that i never saw and you are a really good model. The photoshoots you do are a billion times better than most ive seen. They are all feminine and well composed and cool props and you're attractive. So... Thanks and keep up the good work and keep being an artist.

Thank you.. Its nice someone appreciated my photo sets.  I had one idiot recently give me shit about my photos becuase I guess they werent in 3 dimensional super mega high def surround sound virtual reality video or god knowns what.

I suggested that if he can’t get aroused by pictures, then he ought to see a shrink.

pervme asked:

Just wanted to tell you I'm a big fan. Thank you for all the beauty, I know that it doesn't come easy.

I hate to say it, but the beauty sorta DOES come easily.  But when I was a boy trying to figure out what the fuck i was, but looking more like Audrey Hepburn, yeah, that SUCKED as a guy.  That’s the part that was never, ever easy.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m a dead wringer for AH, but when you’re a short haired boy with a pixie cut and an androgynous look, back in a time (the 90’s), when that was a one way ticket to ketting your ass kicked by homophobes, yeah,   that’s not very easy.

casualsinner666 asked:

You should post a little audio sample for us who can't come see you in person and hear your porn star voice

is there something like that on my  youtube?  Oh well, hey, maybe if I feel a little better I’ll give it  shot and upload a video of it.

Sadly the pain meds I’m on now sorta restrict my breating (and I know this is TMI, but they make me hiccup and belch a LOT and it’s very unladylike), so sadly my voice is down near the low part of my voice register and not where my bubbly pornstar voice is.

In another life I might have been a cartoon voice actor, no seriously, it could have happened.

Side note:  I have a box of Froot Loops autographed by Maurice LaMarche around here somewhere (look him up).

ibylis asked:

Big time fan, always loved your work and someday I hope to be just like you! I was curious, if you were willing to disclose, what resources did you use to find your surgeon and roughly how much it's costing you? I'm a bit flat still after hormones

Well, I knew a guy, who talked to a guy, who went to college with another guy, who dated a girl, who broke up with him and got involved with another girl, (much to his own heartbreak), who recommended a guy who had a large collection of knives and some ziplock bags full of silicone caulk.

Thankfully the price was cheap and I only had to trade a complete set of Mork and Mindy trading cards, a working NES (no mean feat there), and a collection of tornail clippings off of Chalton Heston’s corpse (which I tell you, is an experience I don’t want to ever re-live).